


Hearthfire

by broken_fannibal



Category: Broadchurch, Good Omens Extended Universe, Masters of Sex
Genre: (strongly implied) - Freeform, (which happened in the past), Alec Hardy Whump, Bill Masters Whump, Blood, Crying, Cutting, Emotional Hurt, Heavy Angst, Implied Childhood Sexual Abuse, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, POV Alternating, Vomiting, Worry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-20
Updated: 2021-01-20
Packaged: 2021-03-11 23:26:57
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,626
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28875663
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/broken_fannibal/pseuds/broken_fannibal
Summary: Bill's attempt at starting to make out with Alec goes horribly wrong.
Relationships: Alec Hardy/William Masters
Comments: 10
Kudos: 26





	Hearthfire

**Author's Note:**

> please read the tags!!
> 
> little bit of background: as a child, Alec was (sexually) abused by an adult that he knew and trusted. it happened several times. he felt powerless and when he told someone they didn't believe him.
> 
> during this fic, he’s in a mentally vulnerable place.

Alec jumped when arms suddenly wrapped around him. Bill’s body pressed against his back. One of his arms wrapped around his torso, the other around his hips. Lips found the back of his neck. His skin began to prickle and itch. Bill’s right hand slid lower, inwards from his hipbone to his crotch.

He inhaled shakily. His heartbeat sped up, his body froze, his throat tightened.

He couldn't move. He couldn't get away, he couldn't fight. He could only stand there, glued in place. Weak. Useless.

Bill started kissing the back of his neck while his hand started stroking and squeezing him through his pants.

His breath hitched, his stomach revolted. “What are you doing?” he forced out.

“What does it look like I’m doing?” Bill murmured in his ear.

He felt bile rising in his throat. And somehow- thankfully- he could move again. He yanked Bill’s hands away and ran to the bathroom. Before the door had even slammed shut behind him, he’d dropped to his knees in the front of the toilet. He managed to lift the lid just in time.

* * *

Bill still stood right where he had before Alec had left. Fled. That felt more accurate.

What had happened?

He followed him to the bathroom. His heart clenched painfully when he heard retching from behind the door. Hesitantly, he opened it. There he was. Kneeling, bent over the toilet, gripping the rim so tightly his knuckles stood out white against his skin.

Bill walked closer and laid a hand on Alec’s shoulder.

He jumped, his head whipped around. He stared at Bill, his eyelashes wet with tears, his face pale. “Don't touch me,” he hissed.

“What?”

“I said don't bloody touch me!” He shook Bill’s hand off.

He blinked. What was going on? Alec’s behaviour made no sense. How had it come to this? But before he could think of anything to say, Alec threw up again.

There was nothing solid, only spit and water. Alec couldn't have eaten anything wrong then. When had he even last eaten? He shook off the thought. That didn't matter right now. Going by the way Alec behaved, there had to be a different issue. But what exactly that was, he didn't know.

Alec leaned back, he closed his eyes and took deep breaths. Then he grabbed several sheets of toilet paper to wipe his face.

All the while, Bill watched him, worry gnawing at him.

He tossed the toilet paper into the bowl and flushed. Then he sat there on the floor, shoulders slumped, too pale, his eyes moist and downcast, a little shaky, completely quiet.

Bill didn't know what to do. He didn't know what to say. He didn't know what was going on. And it scared him.

“Go away,” Alec rasped.

It felt like a stab in the heart. Why wouldn't Alec let him help?

“Leave me alone,” he said, louder now.

His heart ached. “Okay.” He swallowed hard. “I’ll be in the living room.”

Alec didn't acknowledge it. He only continued to stare into thin air.

With a heavy heart, Bill left.

He sank down on the couch.

The whole house felt too quiet.

What had happened?

Alec hadn't thrown up any solid food that couldn't be the reason he had run away so suddenly. He had hugged Alec, he had started touching him. And then he had reacted... like that. It didn't make any sense, he couldn't make sense of it.

Alec had never reacted like this before. When he wasn't in the mood, he calmly pulled away and said so. What was different this time? Why had Alec reacted like this now? Had he missed something? Was there something he should have noticed? Was that why Alec didn't want him around?

The suffocating silence was lifted by the sound of the shower. Water trickling, running, dripping.

Bill immediately turned around when he heard the bathroom door open. He couldn't help it.

Their eyes met for a tiny moment before Alec averted his eyes and turned away. Quickly and close to the wall, he made his way to their bedroom.

Before Bill could stop himself, he got up.

Alec tensed when he touched his arm.

It hurt. “What's going on?” he asked. He tried so hard to keep his voice from shaking.

But Alec turned his head away even further and pulled away from Bill’s touch. “Leave me alone.”

“Why?” He couldn't hide his desperation anymore. “Alec, _talk to me._ ” The stinging pain in his chest increased with every second that Alec didn't reply. Not only that. He didn't react at all. “Please...” he whispered.

“No.”

Tears stung in his eyes.

“Not now.”

He leaned in a little. He had to know. “Tomorrow then?”

Alec took a step back, bringing more distance between them. “I don't know.”

With a heavy heart and tears in his eyes, he nodded. “Okay.”

He watched as Alec walked to their bedroom. He paused in the door. And then, without looking back, he said: “Don't come to bed tonight.”

A tear ran down his cheek as the door fell shut.

He sunk down on the couch. His thoughts went back to the moment this had started. And then further.

Alec had tensed when he had wrapped his arms around him. Had that been a sign? A warning sign he had missed?

At the time, he had thought Alec hadn't heard him coming up behind him and had felt smug about it. But now... Considering what had happened after, he couldn't be sure that was the real reason. So what _was_ the real reason?

Had he done something he wasn't aware of? Or had something happened at Alec’s work? No amount of stress had ever made him react even remotely like this.

He wiped away the tears that ran down his cheeks.

To know for sure he had to wait until Alec felt ready to talk. But who knew when that would be...

  
  
  


Bill woke up early the next morning. Not only was the couch uncomfortable, he also worried too much about Alec to sleep any longer.

The bedroom door was closed. It remained closed for hours. He heard no noise from inside but he didn't dare open it.

If there was one thing he had learned, it was that when Alec pulled away, he needed space. He needed to be the one to come forward. Forcing him only made things worse.

But it hurt. It hurt not knowing if he was alright. It hurt not being able to do anything. Not that he knew what he could do would Alec let him...

After hours of sitting and waiting, he heard the sound of the door.

His head snapped up.

Alec walked out, his posture slumped, his steps slow.

Their eyes only met for a small moment. Alec immediately looked away.

Slowly, he got up and walked closer, keeping a careful distance.

He could see the dark circles under Alec’s eyes. They were always there but right now they looked especially dark. In the early morning light, his skin seemed paler too.

“Are you okay?”

Alec swallowed hard. He continued staring at the floor.

Bill searched his face for anything, any trace of an expression. But there was nothing. What he saw instead made a great shiver run down his spine. Under Alec’s fringe, there seemed to be... blood?

He shifted and turned his head to get a better look. His heart clenched. There was a smear of dried blood on Alec’s forehead.

Carefully, he walked closer.

But Alec stepped back and turned his head away.

“You’re hurt, you’re bleeding. Let me see. Let me help you,” he said softly. He reached out to touch his shoulder. But he didn't get far.

All at once, Alec tensed.

“Alec-”

Alec dodged him and ran past him to the bathroom.

He sighed. He wished Alec would at least tell him what was going on, that he would give him _something_.

Not long after the door had closed, Bill heard the shower start.

At least Alec would be able to clean the wound there.

He wouldn't go in this time. He would give Alec the space he needed. Even though it was difficult. He got the first-aid kit and set it down on the coffee table. He didn't dare to hope Alec would let him treat his wound but if he did it himself it would be enough.

He settled down on the couch. To wait. Again.

Never in his life had he felt so helpless.

How could he help Alec if he wouldn't let him? How could he figure out what Alec needed if he refused to tell him what was going on?

He was torn from his thoughts when the bathroom door opened.

Alec stood there, tugging at his left sleeve, his hair still damp.

Bill took a deep breath. “Please take care of your wound. I've got the first-aid kit here.”

“You won't?”.

“I didn't think you’d want me to.” His throat closed up. Could Alec hear the pain and worry in his voice?

Alec sighed, then he slowly nodded.

Bill got up, ready to step away. “I’ll leave you to-”

“No,” Alec said quietly.

“What?” Startled, he looked up.

Alec shoved his hands into the pockets of his pyjama pants and started walking. He came to a stop and the other end of the couch. “You do it.”

Bill’s eyes widened. “Oh- okay.”

Alec sat, his hands wrung together in his lap.

With the first-aid kit, he went over to him. He was about to reach out but then thought better of it. “Could you brush back your hair?”

Alec nodded. He tugged at his sleeve, pinning it in place with his ring and little finger before reaching up to push his fringe out of the way.

Immediately, Bill winced. The wound was bigger than he had expected. Alec had cleaned it well but it was bleeding a little. Before he could stop himself, he asked: “How did this happen?”

“Hit my head,” Alec mumbled.

That didn't ease his worry at all. But he had a feeling this was the only answer he’d get. So he set to work. He started by cleaning away the forming blood drops.

Alec drew a shaky breath.

“Sorry. I’m being as gentle as I can.” When the bleeding had stopped he grabbed the gauze and tape. Without thinking, he knelt down next to Alec on the couch.

His reaction was immediate. He shifted back and stared at him with a sceptical frown.

Bill quickly got back up. “I- sorry, I should have asked.” He swallowed. “I’ll need to apply the gauze now. Can I?”

Slowly, Alec nodded. He turned his head in Bill’s direction but kept his eyes averted. He looked more pensive than suspicious now.

Bill set one of his knees down on the couch next to him. “Is this okay?”

Alec nodded.

He cut the gauze to the right size and covered the wound with it. “Could you- could you hold the upper end in place?”

Wordlessly, Alec stretched his ring finger out and placed it on top of the gauze.

When he had secured the gauze, something caught his eye. Alec’s sleeve had slipped. Where it had previously been held in place by two of his fingers, red lines were now visible. Cuts. They were cuts.

Bill’s heart clenched painfully. He reached out and pulled at Alec’s sleeve. It slipped further down his arm and revealed more cuts.

Bill sank back on the couch. He couldn't find the right words. In fact, he couldn't find any words. Had Alec purposefully hurt himself? Was this because of last night? If so it was his fault, wasn't it?

He felt tears prickle in his eyes. He sniffled. “All done. You can go.” His voice sounded so shaky and he hated it. But there was nothing he could do.

Alec let his hands sink into his lap. He stared at them for a while before looking up.

Bill looked back at him. He hated seeing Alec like this. So pale, so tired, so tense. So quiet. And all because of him. “I’m so sorry,” he choked out.

Slowly, Alec nodded. A small frown formed on his face. “ ‘s not entirely your fault. You don't know. I haven't told you.”

He perked up. “Haven't told me what?”

But he instantly turned his head away.

Bill sighed. He had pushed too hard. “I’m sorry. Take your time.”

Alec exhaled shakily.

For several minutes, Bill waited, hoping, his heart beating quickly.

“I was hurt and...”, he exhaled shakily, “abused when I was young, sexually abused.” His voice was so quiet, he sounded so broken.

Bill paled. “No...” His stomach sank.

Now he saw the events of last night from a different perspective. He had been too forceful, hadn't he? He had reminded Alec of what had happened to him.

With a shaking hand, he reached out. “Can I...” He stopped, his own hand hovering over Alec’s.

He stared at their hands for a moment, then Alec slowly turned his hand around, palm up.

Bill took it, gently squeezing. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”

Again, Alec nodded. Then he squeezed back.

With his free hand, Bill gestured at Alec’s arm. “Can I clean them for you?”

Alec hesitated for a short moment. “Yeah.” He moved his arm closer to him.

Some of the weight on Bill’s shoulders lifted. Maybe it was a good sign that Alec let him do this. “Thanks.” He got the antiseptic wipes. “Could you pull your sleeve up?”

He hummed.

“Shit...” There were so many... Most were crusted but there was smeared blood around some. They were recent. He swallowed hard and blinked tears away.

When he had finished, Alec turned his arm around and Bill felt his stomach sink. There were more on the inside of his arm... He took a steadying breath and set to work.

After he had cleaned all of them, he gently lifted Alec’s arm and kissed the back of his hand. As he did, he looked at Alec. He seemed... somewhat relaxed? Not too tense and he wasn't pulling away. That had to mean something, right?

Gently, he set Alec’s arm down. But then he noticed something. Before, he had been so focused on the cuts, he had paid attention to much else. Now he saw them. Thin white lines on Alec’s skin. Scars. Scars caused by previous cuts.

Alec pulled his arm away and quickly tugged his sleeve down.

Bill took a deep breath. He hoped his voice wouldn't shake. “Do you need anything? Do you want to talk?” When Alec remained quiet, he added: “Or can I make you a cup of tea?”

At that, some of the tension left Alec’s body. He nodded.

“Okay. I’ll be back in a moment.”

As he got up, he almost missed Alec’s quiet words. “Thank you.”

His eyes widened. “Of course.” He wasn't sure what Alec was thanking him for but it made him happy. Maybe Alec trusted him again. At least a little.

* * *

Alec watched him walk to the kitchen.

He felt relieved that Bill hadn't insisted on talking about this. He didn't feel ready.

He listened to the sound of water boiling, then being poured into a cup. And then Bill came back.

He took the mug and looked at the tag of the teabag. Hearthfire. His favourite. He closed his eyes and breathed in the scent.

“Glad to see you like it,” Bill said after a while.

Alec could hear the smile in his voice.

“Figured you deserve your favourite after all of this.”

From the corner of his eye, he saw Bill smiling at him.

He took a sip and hummed appreciatively.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! If you enjoyed it, please consider leaving kudos/comments! <3


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